The Joys of Technology

This entry was inspired by my 6 yr old niece, whose story I tell in the 3rd paragraph (not counting this one).

If you are like me, then you appreciate the use of technology. I love my little techno-toys. Between my wife and I, we have a desktop computer, a laptop (tablet pc), a pocket pc, an IPOD, and more. And to add to all that, I am currently looking into getting a blackberry. Just to let you know how much I enjoy these technological advances, I sometimes stress out at the thought that I know there are programs and other things on my computer or pocket pc that I don't know how to use. However, I am not so bad that I am losing sleep or giving up excessive amounts of time to play with my gadgets. But I enjoy them nonetheless.

I also take pleasure in hearing stories from old timers who had to make it though life without the same level of technology we have today. Specifically, I hear the most about how people functioned without the internet. People actually did research in libraries and used the dewy decimal system, whatever that may be. Now, we have what we are looking for at the click of a button. I am old enough now to see differences between then and now. My stories look something like this, "I remember when we made it though life with one cell phone," or "Remember when it took a few seconds to get from one website to another? Now it's instantaneous with high speed internet," or "I remember when most of my friends didn't even have a computer in their home." I know this is silly to an older person, but it is still weird for me to see these changes happen so fast. Mind you I am only 28 years old.

I had an eye-opening experience the other day that spoke to the rapid advancement of technology in our society. My 6 year old niece came to visit a couple of weeks ago. I bribed her to go to Wal-Mart with me by offering to buy her some gum (she ended up getting an OSU snowglobe ...I'm a sucker, I know). We hopped in my Ford F-150 XL single cab. Although I love my truck, there is nothing special about it. It is the basic of the basics. It is a stick-shift with no power locks or windows and it has a tape deck (no cd player). So my niece and I pull into Wally World and I park. As I get out on my side, I notice she decides to get out on the passenger side (earlier, she got out on my side with me). So, I told her, "Tana, lock the door." She glances at the door for a few seconds. Thens she raises her hands in the air with a confused look and says, "Big Josh!" That's what she calls me. "Big Josh! How?" So I motioned with my hand to tap the lock down. She looks at the nub sticking up out of the door and gently presses it down. She then looked up and smiled. Enthralled with a sense of accomplishment, she said, "Oh, cool!" and then proceeded out the door.

This story is really funny to me. My niece has become so accustomed to power locks that actually locking one with her own hand was abnormally exciting. But that is the direction our society is heading. I joke around with my wife sometimes and say, "You know when we are grandparents, we'll be telling our grandkids, 'No kidding, phones used to have cords and you couldn't take them out of the house,' or maybe, 'Oh yeah, phones were huge in our day. They were as big as the palm of my hand.'" Wow! It'll be interesting to see what the future holds.

The Daddy's Perspective

On January 30th of this year at approximately 2:55 p.m., I officially became a father. Allow me to tell you about this birthing process from the daddy's perspective. First of all, my wife was induced; thus, labor progressed very quickly. Let me tell ya, it was the most intense 6 1/2 hrs of my life. After a couple of hours, she was having contractions that lasted at least 1 minute long and they were occurring no more than 2 minutes apart. I coached her with 2 different types of breathing techniques the entire time. You know, I'm by no means in any kind of shape (maybe pear shaped), but I do like to run a lot. In fact, the day before my son was born, I ran 5 miles at a pretty good pace because I wanted to get a good workout in before he came. However, no workout I've ever done had made my lungs hurt like doing those breathing techniques for 6 1/2 hours. I can't even begin to imagine what kind of pain my wife was in.

Another interesting thing from the daddy's perspective is the actual birthing of the child. I did everything I said over and over again that I wouldn't do. I watched him come out, I watched the placenta being delivered, and I cut the umbilical cord. My wife was in so much pain that I wanted to give her some hope that it will end soon; thus, I watched for the crowning of the head. Then I whispered in her ear, "I can see his head, and he has hair." I'll never forget the smile my wife had shining on her face at that moment. Well, there was also one doctor who delivered the baby, one nurse how charted, and one more nurse who helped coach the pushing. She also held one of my wife's legs up to help with the pushing. However, my wife, like most of us, has two legs...so I helped hold the other leg. So, in that position, you really cannot not watch. I don't regret it...it was facinating and scary at the same time. When he came out, they immediately layed him on my wife's chest, but it took him about 10 seconds to take his first breath. That was the longest 10 seconds of my life. But I will never forget the joy I felt when he let out that first cry. He was finally here! Eleven days overdue, but here nonetheless. Now after witnessing all that, might as well cut the cord, right? My only fear at that point was cutting the doc's fingers.

My favorite part of all was when the doctor layed him on my wife's chest immediately after emerging from the birth canal. It wasn't the little person that finally joined us or the precious first cry he wailed that facinated me so. Those things I will never forget, but it was the joy I saw on my wife's face that I will remember the most. My wife gave birth to a 9 lb 2 oz 21.5 in. long child without an epidural (and induced labor is much harder so I hear). I'll spare you from the details regarding the number he did on her body. Let me put it this way, she was patient at the hospital for 4 days after the birth. But despite all the pain she felt and despite the extreme fatigue she experienced, once that doctor laid our son upon her chest, you could see the joy fill her body and all that other stuff, you could tell, wasn't even an afterthought for her. That is exactly the kind of mother I want my son to have by his side.

Well, I've been a dad for a few days now, but it is still a little surreal for me. But I love that little guy so much. I once had a professor tell me that you can't love new born immediately. "It's impossible" he'd say, because you just met him. I say, "What a load of garbage." My wife and I have gotten to know this little guy for almost 9 1/2 long months. We fell in love with him a long time ago, but our love just went through the roof when we finally got to see and hold what we had been loving for so long. I am a bit nervous about this new journey, but I feel up to the challenges that await us as I know God will not allow us to experience more than we can bear. God is amazing! I don't believe childbirth is a miracle, but I do believe it is a testament to our all-knowing and all-powerful living God. God bless.

ScreamFree Parenting

Greetings readers. This small segment is my plug for a fantastic parenting book - ScreamFree Parenting by Hal Runkel. Ever since I was an undergraduate in college, I have been intrigued by the parent-child relationship. Thus, while getting my Masters in Marriage & Family Therapy, I focused my interests in that field of study. I am now a therapist for youths and their families at a small non-profit organization in the city I live in. I have the privilege of working with adolescents and their parents on a day-to-day basis.

Through my education and experience in working with the parent-child relationship, I have been exposed to numerous parenting research, curriculums, and philosophical approaches. Books that I consider to be fairly descent are Bringing Up Boys by James Dobson, Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline & Jim Fay, and Raising the Emotionally Intelligent Child by John Gottman. Although these are great reads that many moms and dads could find useful information, ScreamFree Parenting blows these out of the water by far in my opinion. However, I still consider Gottman's book as a semi-close second to Runkel's.

Runkel's approach to parenting is far different than anything I've ever seen. First of all he actually wrote a parenting book that is focused on parents and not children. So many books out there tend to put the focus on the children (e.g., how to get your child to behave or how to make your child happy), but his book is about how parents can change.....how by simply being cool, calm, and connected is your greatest parenting tool. But more importantly, throughout this curriculum/book, Hal reiterates the notion that parenting is NOT about a set of techniques to get your child to do this or that, but instead, parenting is about building relationships.......which is a concept that I feel has been lost in the parenting literature.

If you are a parent or hope to be a parent some day, I hope you check out ScreamFree Parenting. I have had the privilege of running parenting groups at my place of work using the ScreamFree Parenting video series curriculum. Thus, if you ever get the opportunity to attend a ScreamFree Parenting class, DON'T PASS IT UP! But if classes aren't being offered in your area, at least read the book. But be prepared to have your minds challenged as this approach goes against most of what society teaches or has taught about parenting. Also, if you are not planning on having children any time soon but could use a few pointers in your everyday relationships, this book might be what you are looking for as Hal's principles apply to many more than just the parent-child relationship. Anyways.........I hope you will check it out. Click on the blog title to take you to the website.

You Can't Make Me!!!

"He made me angry." "She makes me happy." "[This or that] made me sad." "[This or that] makes me excited!" Do these phrases sound familiar? Do you happen to use these phrases or a version of these phrases in your everyday life? I think we are all guilty of verbalizing our emotions like this from time to time. However, when it comes to our emotions, if you think about it, no sole person or thing can make us feel anything. I know this is a hard concept to grasp as you might be able to think of a time when your interaction with someone specific influenced a particular emotion within you (e.g., anger, happiness). But influence is really all they did.

No one is in control of our emotions. Yes, that means even we are not in control of our own emotions. All we have control over our behavioral responses (i.e., our reactions to our emotions). Therefore, if even we aren't in control of our emotions, what makes us think someone else has control over them? And what kind of life would it be if our emotions were left up others to determine? And who would want the pressure of that responsibility? But that is what we communicate when we say things like, "You make me so angry!" Now that doesn't mean that we can't accurately predict what kind of emotion we'll experience in certain situations (e.g., anger/hurt when kids talk back, excitement/joy at sports events), but those situations don't determine the emotion as it is possible to experience a different emotion in the same situation. For example, one might typically experience excitement at a football game, but his/her emotion might be quite different if right before the game s/he found out an old friend is sick with cancer." Case in point, the football game doesn't soley determine the emotion, which brings me to my next point.

Life doesn't happen in a vacuum. There are so many other things that have gone on in our lives, and so many things that are currently going on in our lives that help determine our emotional response. So, all we can really say is that in a certain situation, I felt _________. For example: "When you accuse me, I feel/become angry" instead of "You make me angry when you accuse me." Another example: "I'm happy when I am with you" instead of "You make me happy." This may not seem like that big of a deal to you. You may be thinking "who cares how it is phrased?" Well, that is a great question! Almost everyone does. People don't want the responsibility of determining your emotions. When it comes to negative emotions (e.g., fear, anger, sadness), you often see people resisting that responsibility by getting defensive after you lay blame for that emotion on them. When it comes to positive emotions (e.g., happiness, joy, excitement), doesn't it just mean more to know that someone is, for instance, happy with you not because of you. Seriously, is it truly happiness if you made it happen? Nope! It is like telling someone to "be spontaneous right now." It can't be done.

Usually this topic influences lots of thoughts within people when I talk about it, and most at first have a hard time swallowing it. Thus, I'd be interested in hearing your thoughts. Take care and God bless.

Men Always Do Well (well...most of the time)

When I was a sophomore at Oklahoma Christian, I will never forget an incident that occurred in one of my science classes. We had a very entertaining professor with the driest sense of humor you've ever heard. He did a great job creating entertaining slide shows and what not. One particular day during lecture, he had a slide show of pics he had taken of a trip he and his wife went on. Now his wife was a very cute blond with a very nice smile. After a picture of he and his lovely wife flashed up on the screen, a girl in class shocked us all with her brutal words. With a twinkle in her eye and a smirk on her face (okay, no twinkle), without time to think about what she was saying or how she was saying it, she blurted out, "How'd you get her?!"

This a very good question. And although it is often asked, I have yet to hear a good answer for it. Thus, today, I am going to attempt to do what know man has done before and provide an answer for this question.

Simply stated, men always do well, or most men do. Just flip on your TV and start watching. Popular programs like "According to Jim" and "Still Standing" accurately depict not-so-goodlooking men with stunning wives hanging on their arms.

Sure your George Clooneys, Tom Cruises, and Will Smiths are out their, but they are few and far between. Even ad agencies know this. When the best they can do is put Nic Cage's face on an advertisement, you know they are banking on people looking past his not-so-goodlookingness and seeing a celebrity with some hit movies (which could also be argued). When people like Woody Allen, DwightYokam, and Bruce Willis are heartthrobs of their day, you know women are not focusing on their looks. Now, if you are female, you might be saying to yourself, "Well, I think Bruce Willis is very good looking." No he is not." Men only want to be him because you all want him. And the reason women want him has nothing to do with his physical appearance. And women, don't let men fool you, they know who is and isn't good looking in their own specie...but, they'll never admit it to you. Aside from celebrities, if you just look around you you'll see what I am talking about. Most of us men are beer drinking (not me though), belly scratching, lent picking, girl crazy, gentlemen. And that my friends, the gentlemen part, is why we have gorgeous wives hanging on our arms. After all, our gorgeous wives are commonly known as the better halves. And I couldn't agree more. The problem is some men forget to utilize their gentle man quality.

This is merely my mixed up, slightly humorous theory about mysteries of heterosexual relationships. I would be interested in hearing your thoughts and opinions.

Isn't Narcolepsy Wonderful?

Most of you that read my blog know I have narcolepsy. Therefore, most of you know I have to schedule naps in my day function well. And many of you know what happens when I don't do such a good job of nap-scheduling. Well, I was taking one of my scheduled naps today and had the most interesting dream.

"A guy (we'll call him Bob) I grew up with who is currently in prison, got released from prison and decided he wanted to reconnect with some old pals. Well in order to do so, he had to go through the proper legal channels. His attorney, Sam Elliot (dressed in rugged western clothes), decided to try to get Bob what he wanted by looking for loop holes in the law. Well, the Law & Order: SVU medical examiner found out and was upset because she was the one who give the 'okay' when it comes to dealing with parolees. Well, she and Sam have it out. But, after going through the right channels, Sam gets Bob in to see his friends. One of his long lost friends is yours truly and the other is another one of my childhood friends - we'll call her Tif. Well, Bob get all Sadomasochist in our reunion (no, Sam is no longer present) and threatens to jam a meat thermometer in my shoulder. A MEAT THERMOMETER! Oh yeah.... he was upset because I didn't think it was such a good idea for him to see Tif. So, liking my shoulder like it is, I decided to go against my gut and put Tif's life at stake. What a good pal I am. He grabs Tif....holding the meat thermometer in his hand, but jams it in his own leg...told ya - masochist. Freaked out, I grab Tif, light the place on fire and scram! Also, I a pretty sure I turned into someone else while making this heroic effort. But that doesn't matter - I saved her!"

You all may have had similar dreams before. So, I'll tell you why this is different for a narcoleptic. First, I was only asleep for about 10 minutes. As many of you are away, I cycle from awake to REM - no in-betweeners. When I kick back and my eyelids get heavy...I'm already dreaming. Therefore, this brings me to my second reason, I woke up feeling like all this really happened. Yep, I woke up feeling like a HERO! Save the childhood friend - save the world.

Check out the link to watch some cool narco vids.

Barking at Cats

My lovely wife and I spent our Christmas holiday at her parents' in Arizona. In addition to hauling our luggage down, we also brought our 2 wonderful dogs with us. They loved it down there. However, if I could guess one frustration they might have experienced it probably had to do with my in-law's tabby cat. Oh they wanted to play with her so badly, but she would elevate herself on different structures to avoid potentially deadly interaction with our dogs. In response, the dogs would sit and bark at her. This really got my wheels turning. I asked myself, "Do these dogs really think their (semi)ferocious verbal outbursts will somehow convince this cat that they are no longer a threat to her well-being?" or "Maybe the cat will become so annoyed with the barking that she'll just give herself up to shut them up?" - HERE'S YOUR SIGN. I believe, in reality, the dogs, with their primitive minds, probably do believe they'll get what they want from that cat by barking at it. Thus, my first thought is, "Shut up you stupid dogs." Then, I realize I must be careful because we, humans, often do the same thing. For example, I have counseled (and witnessed) many married couples who get into these vicious arguments that involve name-calling, scorekeeping, nagging, so on and so forth. What do they think, that this behavior will actually get the other to think or do as they wish? The answer is "YES!" for the most part. The odd thing is that most of them have been doing this with each other for years; although it never worked, THEY STILL DO IT! Sounds a lot like the dog barking at the cat, huh?

Jerry Seinfeld has a great piece on this behavior. He refers to men whistling and yelling at women from construction sites, but he states that honking the car horn at a women is the last human brain cell working. He says what do we think will happen? Do we think she's going to kick off the heels and latch on to the bumper of a moving car? And when the car stops, do we think she'll walk over to us and say "I'm so glad you honked! I never knew how you felt." Very primitive behavior - just like dogs barking at cats.

As people, but especially as Christians, we have to stop acting so primitively as we relate to each other. In James 3, James actually alludes to the fact that our tongues are harder to tame than animals. I don't know if I like this notion... that in some ways we are worse than animals....but its true. We don't have an excuse. We actually have this part of our brain that animals don't have known as the neocortex - this is what makes us human. James challenges us to actually use this part in 1:19 - Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry. When we are hurt, threatened, or misunderstood by others, as hard as it may be, we have to take a step back and consider these thoughts, "Will my next behavior reflect Christ? How can I respond in a way that increases my chances of advancing the Kingdom? Will my next action make a difference for this person? Will my next behavior make a difference for the Kingdom of God?"

Good luck and may God bless you in all of your relationships.

Not My Problem

I apologize for not have written in a while. If you are like me and periodically check other's blogs, you probably feel a little disappointed when your blogger buddies do not have new entries. But there are others of you that are probably relieved as there is less for you to read that day.

Just to let you know my blog probably won't have much update in relation to what is going on in my life. My wife pretty much covers it in her blog - www.amandanichols.blogspot.com. Unless she has left something out or something spectacular happens to me alone, I more or less will attempt to challenge your maps with mine (see blog description for definition of "maps").

To address the title of this entry "Not my problem," I was having an interesting conversation with someone whom I consider to be very wise. As we were talking, he told me that when it comes to life's challenges, he lumps things in two categories - 1. Things that are his problem and 2. Things that aren't his problem. I found this to be very interesting. At first glance, this might sound cold or hardhearted. However, after further thought, it is reality. I believe we often overwhelm ourselves with the things we cannot control (i.e., things that aren't our problem). What we have to do is examine the stressful/challenging situation and determine "what about this situation do I have control over? What parts of this do I take responsibility for?" The parts we can't control, we have to let be. This is when it gets scary. We are such control freaks that we actually create the illusion that we are in control of the things we actually are not in control of; thus, our anxiety raises because our illusion is being challenged. In Matthew 6, Jesus asks if by worrying can one add a single second to his/her life? In reality, you might actually find that you are in control of very little (read Romans, particular chapter 8). God has set it up that way, because if we are the ones in control, we really have no need for God. A very wise woman (Mamaw) once said, "We often have it in our minds that we'll just help God out a little." This should be Webster's definition of "control freak."

Blogging Difficulties

I am uploading a picture so I can use it as my profile picture. As technilogically advanced as we are these days, you'd think that blogger.com would make it easier to upload a pic, instead of having to use one from an existing website. Oh the frustrations. Well here it is, feel free to comment...but I am only doing this so I can use it as my profile pic.

Utopia Syndrome

"The psychology of the unattainable necessitates that every actual fulfillment is experienced as a loss, as a profanation: for the devout Jew the political reality of the State of Israel is little more than the bana parody of an age-old, messianic longing; for the romantic lover who at long last conquers the beautiful woman, the reality of his victory is a far cry from what it was in his dreams. George Bernard Shaw put the same thought even more succintly and pessimistically: 'There are two tragedies in life. One is not to get your heart's desire. The other is to get it.'" - Watzlawick, P., Weeakland, J., & Fisch, R. (1974). Change. New York: W.W. Norton & Co., p. 50.

I thought this statement does a good job of illustrating the challenges we face as we strive to achieve our goals in life. We have in our mind an image of what things will look like when we meet our goals. Not achieving this goal is unacceptable. However, we often find that achieving this desire is unacceptable as well - because a "perfect world" is not what we find when we get there. For example, I was so excited when I recieved my Bachelor's degree from Oklahoma Christian. I was one of the few in my entire family to do so. Although it meant a lot, I literally chose that particular major to prepare me for my graduate studies - which had quickly become my heart's new desire. I did it! And everything happened the way I wanted it to. I got a good job, my family came up to celebrate this accomplishment, and I have nice diploma that says "Master of Science" hanging on my wall. I was living in Utopia. But that was short-lived. I often forget I have a master's and most of my friends and family probably don't think about it much either. When I meet new people and they hear about my education, they don't throw me parties and pop fireworks. Today, my degree is simply another milestone I had to cross to get the job and education I wanted. And with every accomplishment comes a variety of new challenges. But this is how I want it. I am content with the journey. I always want to have an adventure. I think people often get caught up in finding Utopia that they miss the journey or at least create a miserable one for themselves. We won't find Utopia; we won't discover perfection; and we won't find rest in this life. God has called us to be content as pilgrims in this life, not settlers. In the end, Utopia will be something He will willingly give to us, not something we discover on our own.

Blogging...I've been sucked in.

Today I learned that creating a blog is a great alternative to working out. Yes, I had great intentions today to get back on a regular work out plan....didn't happen. Instead I decided to spend 2 hours creating a blog. I realized that thi s is Satan working in my life for during these 2 hours, I didn't even manage to insert a profile picture. I spent 15 minutes deciding what font to use!!! Well, at least I haven't been tempted with food as I haven't thought about eating the entire time....well....scratch that. Satan is a sly devil.