Monday, December 13, 2010

Lesson in COMMUNICATION from a 3-Year Old

The other day my 3 yr old son was playing with the musical Tigger doll as seen in the picture. The way it works is that you press the button on his left foot and he does a song and dance while lighting up. However, the problem with this particular Tigger doll is that there is some sort of malfunction in the button on his foot. To get him to work, you have to press and hold the button the entire time or else Tigger stops singing and dancing. Well, as my son was trying to get Tigger to work, I heard him say in very cute, by high-pitched tone, “I can’t do it, Dad.” So I said to him, “You have to hold it.” So he did just that. He proceeded to lift up Tigger and set him in his lap. Then he looked back at me as if to say, “Now what?” Struggling not to laugh, I said, “No, you have to squeeze it.” My son looked at Tigger while pondering my suggestion. He slowly lifted his hand and then squeezed Tigger’s nose. I busted out laughing at this point. HE WAS SO CUTE! He was completely misunderstanding what I meant, but all the while doing exactly as I instructed him to.

We often find ourselves having the same form of miscommunication in our relationships. However, in a marriage or a parent-adolescent relationship the miscommunication isn’t as cute as seen here with my 3 yr old. It is almost as if we just cannot understand how our spouse or teenager, for instance, could ever interpret our requests or suggestions as anything other than the way we pictured in our minds. One thing we need to understand when it comes to learning to effectively communicate is that misinterpretations don’t go away with age. We are no better at mind-reading at 30 yrs old than we were at 3 yrs old. Effective communication is a skill that can be taught, but never mastered. We owe it to ourselves and to those we care about to continually work hard at improving our communication skills. One lesson I hope you take from this post is that “mindreading” is a HUGE No-No! We should never assume the other person should “just know” what we are saying or talking about.

My 3 yr old is learning more and more about how to effectively communicate every day. Watching him grow and learn is an awesome experience. I think it is so neat when I get the privilege of seeing something “click” with him; to actually see him “get it.” When this happens to us as adults, the adorable-factor can be ruled out, but it can be a very rewarding experience still. So hang in there.

Wednesday, December 01, 2010

Coping with the Post-Holiday Blues

The holiday season, beginning with Thanksgiving and ending with New Years, is a very busy time for most of us. We are checking our schedules making sure we can see as many family members as possible. The last thing we want, after all, is hurt feelings on our conscience. We are making shopping lists and checking them twice, thrice, and as many times as it takes to get everything crossed off the list. We have family dinners to attend, business and church parties to crash, not to mention all the different things the children in our lives are doing – school parties, holiday plays, etc. We are arranging times to take family pictures, then comes the dreaded selection of which picture goes on the Christmas card. Following this, we are faced with actually sending out the cards and making sure every significant and insignificant person we know gets one. But don’t forget to work on the “apology speech,” just in case Aunt Mildred’s card got “lost in the mail” (wink, wink). It seems during this time of the year we don’t have much time to even think, much less doing something for ourselves to gain peace of mind. Slowing down is NOT an option; we are operating on pure adrenaline. Then the New Year rolls around and it is all over. Our brains and bodies are all of sudden presented with our normal routine without the additional hustle and bustle of the holiday season. Well, it is not hard to understand why some people deal with the “post holiday blues,” which may manifest in many different ways, for instance, depression, anxiety, and/or pure, unmistakable exhaustion.


Twenty-eleven (2011) is right around the corner. The question we are faced with is “How do we successfully cope with the post holiday blues so we can effectively get back in the saddle?” Here are some suggestions to consider:

Get excited about the idea of new beginnings. Although the particular holidays during this time of year were created with specific thoughts in mind, I don’t think we can ignore that the holiday season carries with it the implication that another chapter in our lives is coming to a close and a new one is about to begin. For some, the chapter closing was not the most pleasant, and for others, the chapter closing was the highlight of their lives and they can’t imagine a better one. But, all of us are faced with the new chapter, full of blank pages ready for us to make our mark. The scary part of the new chapter is that we don’t know what challenges lie before us; thus, we are faced with unpredictability and the unexpected. The exciting part of the new chapter is that WE ARE THE AUTHORS! We need to embrace this thought. Although we may be faced challenges and stumbling blocks along the way, we still get to choose how we deal with those obstacles. We are the authors of our story; we decide the direction; we decide how it ends.

Set short-term, but achievable goals. Reflecting on the previous year and deciding how you want the following year to be different is something I would encourage everyone to do. However, most people already do this; but, they forget to set small goals along the way. When they forget this very important step, their goals for the year become something that is too large to conquer. Thus, I encourage people to be thinking about the initial months after the New Year – January, February, and maybe, March – and decide what they would like to achieve during this time. The next step is to “get after it.” Once the goals are met, don’t forget to celebrate. Small successes are definitely worth celebrating.

Plan a retreat for yourself. This is actually something I would recommend doing during the holiday season, but at minimum, doing it after the holiday season has ended. Planned retreats, in my opinion, are crucial for our mental, physical, and spiritual well-being. After experiencing the level of stress that comes with the holiday season, our minds and bodies are typically ready for a break that is long overdue. Remember, a retreat doesn’t have to be expensive or elaborate. A retreat can be something as simple as a daily walk around the lake or spending time in meditation or prayer on your lunch break or enjoying a cup of Joe as you watch the sunrise before you head off to work. Thus, make your retreats intentional; don’t allow yourself to just fall into it. When we fall into it, retreating more accurately reflects escaping. Thus, as you plan your retreats, work at staying away from drugs, alcohol, media, and even technology in effort to keep a clear mind.

Change up your routine. “Mixing it up” a little bit is something that could help with the transition from 2010 to 2011. Routine is beneficial because it helps provide structure and stability to our lives, but it often becomes boring. If it is at all possible, attempt to change up how you structure you life. Here are some examples:

• Take a new route to work.
• Add new workouts to your exercise routine
• Start a new hobby or participate in a new activity (e.g., softball league)

Preserve memories. I think preserving memories is a very important part of the transition. I encourage people to actually get old fashion on this one. Technically, downloading pictures to Facebook or Flickr is a way to preserve memories. However, this is the lazy way. I would encourage you to put a little elbow grease in your preservation methods. Scrapbooking is probably the most obvious way of doing this, but there are many other ways; thus, be creative. The reason I am an advocate for preserving memories is because despite how difficult of a year you had, you will typically focus on the memories that generate a good feeling within you. As you start out a new year, the last thing you need is a bad taste in your mouth from the previous year. Preserving the feel-good memories of the previous year will help you get started on the right foot for the new year.

I encourage each and every one of you to not get bogged down in the hustle and bustle of the holiday season to where you forget the meaning of the holiday season. However, if, come January, you find yourself coming down from the holiday high, don’t hesitate to try some of these suggestions to help with your transition. Also, keep in mind that there is no shame in seeking professional help if just can’t seem to kick the post holiday blues.

Don't forget to pick up a copy of the December 2010 issue of MetroFamily Magazine to read more on overcoming the Post-Holiday Blues.