Parenting: Experiencing Fun Differently

My wife and two boys (ages 3 and 18 months) recently took a short family vacation to Branson, Missouri.  We had a blast!  This was our first real family vacation since our oldest boy was born.  I learned a valuable lesson while on this trip.  I had to learn to experience fun differently.  Before children, my wife and I could go to places like Silver Dollar City (SDC) and go crazy riding roller coasters and water rides.  We could stay in our hotel and watch movies, take a dip in the pool to cool off, or relax in the hot tub with no worries.  Well, all these experiences are not the same when you are a parent.  We pretty much stayed in the kiddie section at SDC.  We swam everyday but most of our time in the pool was spent watching the kiddos.  Even when we were relaxing in the hotel room we were tending to kids. But we still had so much fun!

Although I don't agree with the common thought that parents should center their lives around their children, I do think that parents have to learn to enjoy watching their children enjoy life.  That is exactly what we did.  Sure there were times my wife and I wished we could get away for bit by ourselves (and we were able to a couple of times because of other family members present willing to watch the kids), but our hearts smiled continuously as we watched our children play in the hotel pool or ride the train at SDC or play with their cousins, aunts and uncles, and grandparents.  My children had so many wonderful first experiences...I wouldn't have missed it for the world!

One final story:  At one point during our family vacation, I found myself having to discipline my 3 yr old for misbehavior.  I briefly caught myself thinking, "Here we are taking time out of our day and money out of our pockets to spend some quality time as a family, but instead I am having to tend to a screaming child."  This thought was short-lived, because I very quickly began to think to myself, "You know what?   Even though there are moments like this where some form of discipline is required, these kids need to have experiences like the ones they have had this week."  I felt like my sons and I grew so much closer during our time at Branson, even though they had to sit in time-out on occasion. 

So next time you find yourself feeling a little robbed because you are having to give up your personal time and money for your children. Try to remember that you are facilitating important experiences in their lives; and you being a part of that will help you and your children grow closer together.  You can't put a price tag on building your relationship with your children.

Good luck and God bless you in your parenting endeavors.

The Journey Toward Self-Love

Learning to love ourselves is not an easy process.  In fact, many people spend a lifetime trying overcome self-hatred, but are never successful.  Valuing oneself or having a healthy sense of self-worth is an important componant when trying to function in this world.  Husbands and wives deserve a spouse that loves themselves.  Children deserve to have parents that value themselves.  Bosses and companies deserve to have employees with a strong sense of self-confidence and competance.  We owe it to ourselve and those around us to love ourselves.  Here are some tips to help you get started:

Identify and process your strengths.  Understanding what you are good at and why you are good at it is an important step in your journey toward self-love.  Too many times we are so focused on the negative aspects of our being that we don't recognize the positive characteristics of our existance. 

Understand your weaknesses.  Althougth we want our strengths to be our main focus, we still need to have a better understanding of our weaknesses.  Having this all-around understanding allows us to better prepare ourselves for the tasks and challenges life presents to us.

Forgive your shortcomings.  The realilty is that we all fall short from time to time.  We live as imperfect beings; and in that imperfection we often say or do things that we regret.  We cannot allow our shortcomings to define us.  We have to learn to forgive ourselves. 

Let go of the past.  Not only do we need to learn to forgive ourselves, we also need to work toward forgiving others.  When we hold on to the hurts others have caused us, we end up harboring bitterness and resentment.  When we do this, the only person we punish is ourselves.  Thus, forgiving others is as much or more about our healing than the one how has sinned against us.  Anywho.....I believe it is necessary in moving toward self-love.

Keep in mind that loving yourself doesn't mean you have to be self-absorbed.  Loving and serving others should always be a high priority for you.  However, I find it hard to believe that we can effectively love and serve others if we aren't loving ourselves first.  God obviously valued us enough to send his son to die for us.  It is about time we start seeing ourselves in that same light.  I hope these tips will be a blessing to you in your journey toward learning to love and value yourself.  God bless.

Divorce-Proofing Your Marriage: In-Laws Don't Have to be Outlaws

We often cut up and joke about our in-laws.  Mother-in-laws seem to have it the worst as they have become the butt of many jokes.  As I write this a commercial just came on poking fun at mother-in-laws.  The reality is that in-laws are a source of contention for many married couples.  As a marriage and family therapist, I can't even begin to count how many times I have had conversations with couples on this very matter.  But what if your in-laws could actually help your marriage?  What if your in-laws could actually benefit your commitment to your marriage? I actually believe this is possible.

Here is my challenge to you as one of many ways to divorce-proof your marriage - Fall in LOVE with your IN-LAWS.  You might be thinking, "WHAT?!"  Yes, work hard at loving your in-laws.  This will be harder for some than others (and maybe impossible for many).  However, if you can fall in-love with your in-laws, when things get tough in your marriage, it becomes one more thing you have set in place that encourages you to hang in there; because if you lose your spouse to divorce, you will most likely lose his/her parents as well.  Therefore, loving your in-laws gives you more incentive to keep your marriage healthy or, if it isn't healthy, to work hard at getting it that way.  On the other hand, a bad relationship with your in-laws just makes it easier to give up.

As I mentioned, falling in love with your in-laws will be harder for some than others.  However, I encourage you to put out some effort to build lasting relationships with them anyway.  Your marriage will be better for it.  As always, your thoughts are welcomed.