Depression: Supporting Your Loved One

Depression has haunted mankind since the beginning of time. When I think of depression, the image that comes to mind is that of the Smoke Monster from ABC's hit series Lost (you know I had to work in Lost into this conversation....this is the final season). For those of you who aren't fans, I'll describe it this way. Depression acts like a black cloud seeking it's next victim. No matter how much of us it devours, it is never quite satisfied. It is a subtle evil, constantly in pursuit of its next victim; and if we are not careful it will eat us alive.

Many people struggle with the questions, "What am I suppose to do when someone I care about is dealing with depression? How can I help?"  Here are a few suggestions you should take into consideration as you help your friend or loved one through the dark times:

1. Do a self-assessment. Ask yourself if you are strong enough to help bear this burden (Gal. 6:2). If you are dealing with a lot in your own life and/or with your family, then you might not be the one that this person needs. If not, then you best move is to connect them with a person or persons that can be the burden-bearer. If you decide you can be this person, move on to suggestion #2.
2. Get into their world. Jesus was awesome at this. We read in John 11:35 that "Jesus wept." When he did this, he provided Mary and Martha exactly what they needed from him as they were grieving the loss of their brother. So, when you get into someone's world, you have to....
3. Put aside your own anxiety and fears. Your feelings of helplessness will tempt you to want to solve the problem. This makes their depression about you and you communicate to them you can't handle it. But if you listen to their story and you hurt with them, you'll find that there is lots of therapy in that kind of behavior. You'll also find that most people have good reason to feel depressed, just as Job did in Job 2. Job even resorted to self-injury as he sat in the ash scraping off his sores. When we read the story of Job, most of us understand his depression. This is easy for us because we are not emotionally connected to Job. It is a lot harder to do when we are emotionally connected to someone and we see them hurting.
4. Determine your role. What role does this person need you to play as part of their support system?
5. Set boundaries. Don't fall into the trap where you find yourself bearing the entire load (see Gal. 6:5).  Not only will you do them a disservice by rescuing them, you will also be doing yourself (and possibly your family) a disservice as you run the risk of falling beneath the weight of this extra load that you have taken on single-handedly.
6. Be prepared to suggest professional help.  Many people keep important phone numbers handy in case of an emergency.  We all know people who have the phone numbers to the local police, firestation, ambulance service, etc.  I think we should also have numbers to one or two mental health professionals. But if you realize that your friend or loved one's depression is not getting better after a few weeks, it might be time to make a referral.  Note: Call 911 or get your loved one to the ER if you feel they are suicidal or homicidal. 

I hope you find these suggestions helpful as you offer support for your friends and loved ones that have the Smoke Monster in their lives.  As always, your thoughts and questions are always appreciated.