Tips For Parents To Avoid Power Struggles

So when did having a strong will become such a bad things? The term "strong-willed child" has taken on a negative connotation. But isn't a strong will exactly what we hope our children will have? Afterall, it is our strong will that helps us perservere. It is our strong will that helps us pull ourselves up by our bootstraps after taking a bad fall. It is our strong will that often keeps us on a path of righteousness.

So what is it about having a "strong-willed child" that makes parenting so difficult? Most of the time it is because we want them to bend to our will. Hal Runkel, author of ScreamFree Parenting, alludes that strong-willed children often have strong-willed parents because the frustrating componant stems from the battle of wills. We, as parents, don't want to lose the battle. But here's a very important question - Why should our children settle for losing?

This is a difficult issue to tackle, so I hope to just give you some tips to get your started in resolving this dilemma. However, if you feel you have tried everything and nothing works, then, I urge you to seek help from an expert to get a professional and objective opinion.

The answer to this dilemma is definately easier said than done. But allow me to say it anyway, "DON'T BATTLE WITH YOUR CHILDREN!" In other words, structure you interaction to avoid power struggles. Children are experts at playing the power struggle game. If they succeed in getting you to engage in a power struggle, then you have already lost. Children don't have much control over anything, but they desire it as much as adults do. Therefore, as parents, we need to make sure that we give them a little control. Here are some tips to avoid power struggles:

Give choices. For example: Do you want to wear your red coat or blue coat? If you don't choose, then I'll assume you want your blue coat. (Notice that you don't give a choice of whether or not to wear a coat. Not wearing a coat is not an option. You decide the options, but they make the choice.)

Embrace "No." Many parents hate it when their children tell them "no." We don't want to break them of this. Is this not a skill you want them to have when they are teenagers faced with difficult decisions? Therefore, work at redirecting them if they are saying "no" out of disobedience. You may discipline, but discipline the disobedience, not the fact they said "no." Don't say, for example, "You don't tell Mommy 'no'. Go sit in timeout."

Stay Calm; Stay Connected. When you recognize the potential for a power struggle, make a decision that you will not engage in warlike behavior with your child, but stay calm and connected instead. Whatever behavior your choose, make sure it reflects that of a grown-up. In other words, make sure you are behaving more maturely than your child.

Opt for a Win-Win Scenerio. As the adult, try to figure out how both you and your child can come out a winner. Allow your child to negotiate, which is very empowering for your child. There is no harm in that, afterall, you have the final decision. Avoid the "My way or the hi-way" approach. Be flexible.

I hope these tips will be helpful for you. Please let me know of any suggestions you may have that have proven successful for you and your family. As usual, any other comments or thoughts are welcomed.