Lesson in COMMUNICATION from a 3-Year Old

The other day my 3 yr old son was playing with the musical Tigger doll as seen in the picture. The way it works is that you press the button on his left foot and he does a song and dance while lighting up. However, the problem with this particular Tigger doll is that there is some sort of malfunction in the button on his foot. To get him to work, you have to press and hold the button the entire time or else Tigger stops singing and dancing. Well, as my son was trying to get Tigger to work, I heard him say in very cute, by high-pitched tone, “I can’t do it, Dad.” So I said to him, “You have to hold it.” So he did just that. He proceeded to lift up Tigger and set him in his lap. Then he looked back at me as if to say, “Now what?” Struggling not to laugh, I said, “No, you have to squeeze it.” My son looked at Tigger while pondering my suggestion. He slowly lifted his hand and then squeezed Tigger’s nose. I busted out laughing at this point. HE WAS SO CUTE! He was completely misunderstanding what I meant, but all the while doing exactly as I instructed him to.

We often find ourselves having the same form of miscommunication in our relationships. However, in a marriage or a parent-adolescent relationship the miscommunication isn’t as cute as seen here with my 3 yr old. It is almost as if we just cannot understand how our spouse or teenager, for instance, could ever interpret our requests or suggestions as anything other than the way we pictured in our minds. One thing we need to understand when it comes to learning to effectively communicate is that misinterpretations don’t go away with age. We are no better at mind-reading at 30 yrs old than we were at 3 yrs old. Effective communication is a skill that can be taught, but never mastered. We owe it to ourselves and to those we care about to continually work hard at improving our communication skills. One lesson I hope you take from this post is that “mindreading” is a HUGE No-No! We should never assume the other person should “just know” what we are saying or talking about.

My 3 yr old is learning more and more about how to effectively communicate every day. Watching him grow and learn is an awesome experience. I think it is so neat when I get the privilege of seeing something “click” with him; to actually see him “get it.” When this happens to us as adults, the adorable-factor can be ruled out, but it can be a very rewarding experience still. So hang in there.

Is Texting Detrimental on Relationships?

Do you text? Do you tweet? Are you on Facebook or MySpace? Social networking has hit the floor running over the past few years. I have to admit, I, myself, have been sucked in to the social networking world. I have a Facebook account; I can be followed on Twitter; I can be connected with on LinkedIn; and I also am a part of Christian networking site known as Missional Outreach Network developed by a friend of mine.

When we sign up for such sites, we do not really think anything of it. Afterall, what harm could come by it. Most of the sites have privacy controls now so we can limit who views our profiles and we can select whom we allow in our circle - our "friends." I am still surprized as to how many users accept people they don't even know into their "friends" list, but that is another post for another time. There are a lot of positive things that can come through these social networking sites. You can reconnect and stay connected with friends and family. You can advance your business or further a cause. You can even use it as a tool for Christian outreach. But what happens when we don't set boundaries with these sites? Or with texting for that matter?

Although people stay connected through social networking and texting, these forms of communication can also be detrimental to relationships. I have seen full blown arguments take place on Facebook. I am aware of difficult, deep conversations taking place via texting and instant messenger. Using such methods in attempt to resolve conflict or converse about deep issues is not the wisest form of communication one could choose. In fact, it most likely will work against you rather than for you.

One reason we shouldn't use social networking or texting to discuss relationship problems is because others are left to interpret the meaning of our written words. Most of the time when this happens, the messages are written on a whim without much thought put into it, not to mention that most people try to keep them short to preserve time and space. Reading tone and emotion is almost next to impossible anyway, but this makes it all the more difficult.

Another reason we should choose wisely on our approach to discuss problematic issues has to do with the concept of vulnerability. Whenever we feel hurt, angry, confused, etc., we enter into a state of vulnerability. This is when we often say or do things that we regret later, which is why in order to keep relationships healthy, we must learn to effectively communicate and resolve conflict when we are feeling vulnerable. These are not easy skills to acquire and there is always more to learn. But, people are starting to gravitate toward wall posts, IM, and, the easiest avenue, TEXTING. They choose this method because it is safe, but it is extremely ineffective and often ends up perpetuating the problem and the hurt connected to it.

This is my encouragement to you. When you are faced with a dilemma with a close friend, relative, or especially your spouse, PUT DOWN YOUR PHONES and CLOSE YOUR LAPTOPS. Take a risk and go to them and talk it out like adults. Using these "safe" methods are often childish and cowardice. Jesus knew what he was talking about in Matthew 18 when he commanded us to go to one another when we feel like we've been sinned against. He knew that when we feel hurt or betrayed by someone we love, we should approach them in person (the narrow road) and not take easy way out (the broad road).

I am very interested in hearing your thoughts on this matter.