Focus on Integrity

A couple of weeks ago, I heard a great lesson presented by Mark Taylor, from Memorial Road Church of Christ, entitled "How to Live with Spiritual Integrity." Mark did a great job emphasizing how we need to (1) keep our conscience clean (2 Corinthians 1:12) and (2) keep our conduct Christ-like. But how does integrity fit in the marital relationship? What role does it play in parenting?

When I am working with couples and parents in counseling, I emphasize the tremendous importance of behaving with integrity. Hal Runkel, author of ScreamFree Parenting, points out that we actually need to work at raising our integrity. Behaving with integrity needs to be at the forefront of minds because it can be so easily compromised.

So, "What is integrity?" you might ask. Here's my definition: When your behavior accurately reflects your values, morals, and beliefs. Sounds simply, eh? Well, unfortunately, it's a lot easier said than done. You might be thinking, "I do this. I don't struggle with compromising my values, morals, and/or beliefs." If that is the case, then kudos for you. I hope there are others around you that learn from your example. But, many might think they don't struggle with this, but really do and just don't know it.

Living with integrity is especially hard in relationships because we have this part within us that tends to complicate things and cloud our judgement......a component of our being we like to call emotions. When our emotions drive our behaviors, we often find ourselves doing things that bring shame upon us. We often find ourselves in this predicament in our relationships because of the emotional connection that is shared. I will assume that most of you value marriage. So think about this, when things get tense in your marriage, how do you and/or your spouse treat each other? Do you yell and scream? Do you belittle or nag? Do you use sarcasm or put-downs? When we give into these urges, we have immediately compromised our integrity. What about the parent-child relationship? Most of us value that relationship as well. Therefore, have you found yourself making emotional outbursts toward your children? Do you not follow through with discipline or make empty threats? Do you ignore or disconnect from your children when things get tense? Do you neglect them the privilege of seeing you love their mother/father (2-parent families)? Again.........giving in to these temptations is an instantaneous compromise of integrity.

My encouragement and challenge for you is to NOT let the subtleties of these temptations creep up on you. Keep the thought that "I am to behave with integrity ALL the time" at the forefront of your mind, especially when things get tense. Work hard at staying rational and not letting your emotions take over. It's not easy, but it can be done.